A Thorough Lesson in Bad Office Etiquette

A client's driver who frequents our office for pick-ups sometimes comes to my desk to discuss any new "chatter" floating around the screen printing/garment industry. 

So Bryan (not his real name) who walks in with his treasured lunch nestled carefully between arm and body announces his arrival wid a "Wha-happen Man?", then smiles in approval as I acknowledge him and continue working a pace.  Now Bryan, who's daily attire usually consists of whatever previously worn tshirt and three-quarter pants was flung over his bedhead and passed the sniff test that morning, plunks himself down into one the chairs opposite my desk and opens a steaming hot container of food.
Out pours encouraging smells of a well made West Indian meal, that hauntingly tease my nostrils and stirs up a ghastly hunger pang.

Me: Bryan why yuh wicked so man.
Bryan: Me, wha i do?
Me: I ain't eat as yet eh, yuh killin me here wid dat food.
Bryan: (Sucks on a grease sauced chicken bone) Yuh hadda eat wherever it ketch yuh.
Me: By my desk? We have a kitchen yuh know.
Bryan: Oooogoosh Sorry boss. (Stays put and continues eating)
Me: (Sigh)

We have a lengthy convo abt a Gov Minister who has printed some 70K in t'shirts and "ducking"  payment.
I comply with a C.O.P none payment story of my own going back to right after the last elections.

Bryan finishes his meal, packs it away, then stretches out within the chair, pulls out a Digicel ph card, vigorously scratches away the aluminium and tops up his ph.

Now I'm still focused on my task at hand, but out of the corner of my eye I see Bryan sheepishly raise the ph card to his mouth.  He then slowly begins to scrape away at any remaining bits of food stuck to his teeth, leaving a biofilm of plaque being displayed prominently on the outer lining ph card.
This action brings forth a silent internal gag, followed by short sharp breaths to combat the rising, gurgling vomit in attempt to force it back down from whence it came.

Me: Bryan give me a minute I need to make an important call.
Bryan: Boss yuh done wid me?
Me: (looks at incomplete graphic on the computer screen)... If u have any other stops maybe u can do those and I'll send it out for you when u come back.
Bryan: yeh ...do dat nah!

Bryan tucks the plaque stained ph card away in his three-quarter jeans pants pocket for later use, gives me the "black man nod" then leaves.

I Stare at his exit and "smh".  I turn back to my computer and glance downwards, only to see his food container still on my desk.

Me: *#^%(#*#^$......

Sigh!

Comical or Chemical?

So you'd think that since it was discovered that the world is round that the average level of intelligence was upped a notch world wide and that every other significant event since would have followed that pattern right? Maybe not!
...Now I know that we Trinis tend to sometimes over think things.  Give us a simple question and we try to decipher the secrets of the universe... No its just a simple question.
So when my father takes it upon himself to become a world renowned petrochemist at the gas station without any former training this happens...


(05/04/22) 10:35PM TRINIDAD

I really hate ...hate ...hate using public transportation, so last night while I was again performing the role of the customary piece of office furniture I decided 2 call my father for a ride home (the car has been down for mths on end ..another story altogether).

Dad pulls up wid a partner in the passenger seat, I jump in the back and we're off. 

ME: Oh gosh boy ah cya wait to get home nah, my ass rel tired.
DAD: Don't worry we makin dat rel quick.
Me: "big smile emanates for the back seat"

We Drive for 3 minutes and then turn into a long line of cars at a gas station in Tacarigua"

ME: (I cringe at the sight of all the cars, then sigh.... "thinks about saying something but I change my mind after noticing the gas gauge sleepily lying way beneath the last bar.... I smh & sigh again)

After an excruciating 15 minute wait we finally reach the pump, temples throbbing pressure rising, aneurysm ready to burst he hands me TT$100.00

DAD: Put een 50 nah.
ME: Groans, gets out, then heads to the cashier, pays then heads back to the pump.

Both my dad and his friend still sitting comfortably in the car....
ME: (I sigh & grumble something about no help.) So what yuh putting in?
DAD: Uhhhhhhh... Super Today!
ME: EH?????
DAD: SUPER
ME: Wait! How yuh mean super... TODAY?
DAD:Yeh ah feeling like putting super today.
ME: and errrrrr what yuh put last time?
DAD: Unleaded.
ME: I have this unbelievable look on my face, then I buss out laughin.
ME: MAN...YUH DOH MIX GAS....WHO DOES DO DAT?
DAD: makes an attempt to explain and if yuh didn't know you would think that his point held water solidly or in this case GAS.
ME: No bredda, NO its 2 completely different consistencies one will burn faster than the other and it will mess up your engine. You'll have to clean the tank and use a treatment if it gets messed up badly.
DAD: Still explaining.... utterin' shit that soundin' like chemical formulas and theories.

My dads friend starts to chuckle and says "no Archie yeh doh mix gas".

ME: (thinks back to how often he has engine trouble and sighs) This is unbelievable "under my breath"

I spot my neighbour @ the gas station, give him the heads up, grab my laptop bag and start to leave.

ME: (turns back to the car)  Hear nah jus pick one and stick with it, yuh car will be much happier.
DAD: Sits in silence and ponders (his friend still snickering)

Sigh!