Dealing with lengthy bouts of boredom is never easy. Especially for an old insomniac like me. Before my current time shift, I'd usually be home between 10pm and midnight. Now, due to dire fatigue (must remember to purchase vitamins) I'm usually out the office door around 8pm for the latest. I'll now lethargically trod on home, hit the shower, hit the bed. Then I'll sink into that comfort zone of watching a plethora of TV Series deemed both popular or unpopular by the cold electronic hand of the Nielson ratings system. This some how assists with my gradual slide into dreamland, until I have awaken far later that my now defunct internal clock should have allowed me to. So yes, between facebook & the late nite TV show addictions, I'm crawling into bed at the ungodly hour of 3am.
...and I find myself now wondering ...is there an easier solution of dealing with nite time boredom?
Yes there is always sex as an option, but what if your STILL UP after the sex, then what? Got that covered too... and if I'm still up EVEN after seconds or a wrap-up "happy ending", self indulged or with outside assistance.. THEN WHAT?
Did someone not forward me that memo? Am I NOT privy to this TOP SECRET information shared by people the world over who achieve complete mental relaxation and a fulfilling state of zen? By these mythical people who actually achieve.. "A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP!"
This reticent flow of information is totally unwarranted. I'm hoping that someone comes to my rescue and soon, there is only so much self inflicted late nite abuse one man can take... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Friday, 18 May 2012
Thursday, 10 May 2012
Money Worries
My dad's card is down so he passed & borrowed mine. I had to go pick up s'tin from a client, so I grabbed up a couple dollars and took a maxi. When I was abt to go back to the office I saw a doubles man at the corner. Realised I only had enough money to buy two. So I bought a few, THEN... Turned to get back into my CAR. ...and then realised that I travelled.... :'(
Great Old Friends
So yuh boy drivin down Waterloo Rd, Arouca, Trinidad, and I'm headin by my moms. So I see a neighbour that I haven't seen in years. Its a long road so I offer her a drop.
ME: "Come take a drop nah?"
WOMAN: "Nah is ok ah could walk."
ME: "But is so long I aint see yuh, come nah." (lady looks around sighs and gets in and I drive off). WOMAN: "Yuh like older women?"
ME: looks at her uncomfortably, "errrr no, why u say dat?"
WOMAN: "I just get dat feeling."
ME: Well de woman seems abt 55. So I buss a side-eye at her, look around and then laugh nervously.
WOMAN: Then asks to me to drop her off after we pass 12 houses and goes into a house that I don't know.
ME... blank stare! ....errrr who de HELL was dat?????
It was de wrong woman oui, ROTFL!!!
ME: "Come take a drop nah?"
WOMAN: "Nah is ok ah could walk."
ME: "But is so long I aint see yuh, come nah." (lady looks around sighs and gets in and I drive off). WOMAN: "Yuh like older women?"
ME: looks at her uncomfortably, "errrr no, why u say dat?"
WOMAN: "I just get dat feeling."
ME: Well de woman seems abt 55. So I buss a side-eye at her, look around and then laugh nervously.
WOMAN: Then asks to me to drop her off after we pass 12 houses and goes into a house that I don't know.
ME... blank stare! ....errrr who de HELL was dat?????
It was de wrong woman oui, ROTFL!!!
Cheap Security!
Trini have rel mad ppl walkin around oui. Had some tire trouble last nite in Arouca. So my dad and a pal gone 2 get help, a fit 59 year old man stop 2 help and when dey left he says.. "ah go hang back 2 protect de scn". I say de man have a gun? Instead he pulls out a hand made slingshot and shows me a FULL pocket wid bout 45 big stone. eh? LOL!!!
Misunderstanding currency.
So I'm in de front seat of a maxi on de E.M.R. A man emerges from the back of the maxi and reaches to pay. Apparently, the Driver knows him and gives him a "Bounce" and tells him nah man go ahead. So as the driver pulls off, I lean over and also put my hand out fuh a bounce rite. The driver looks confused. So I reply "Ah paying u in Advance" and I laugh out loudly. Apparently the driver didn't think it was that funny. smh!
Too Smart for your own good.
Convo early this morning by my wall...
NEIGHBOUR: Why ppl so dotish to film themselves, some ppl have NO brain at all.
ME: Ent you used to be wid dat kinky fella who used to horn yuh wid plenty women?
NEIGHBOUR: Yeh but all I ever do was take some nude pics on his bed when I used to be with him. ME: "Blank Stare"
NEIGHBOUR: Why ppl so dotish to film themselves, some ppl have NO brain at all.
ME: Ent you used to be wid dat kinky fella who used to horn yuh wid plenty women?
NEIGHBOUR: Yeh but all I ever do was take some nude pics on his bed when I used to be with him. ME: "Blank Stare"
Once upon A Fairy Tale
My 8 yr old daughter is TOTALLY crackin up at a friend's son because he believes Santa is real. So I laugh and tell her, that by now he should know that Santa and the Tooth Fairy is fake, right? She looks at me horrified and says, OMG, The Tooth Fairy ain't real? Then had this totally dejected look. smh...I'm sooooo awful!
Labels. What's the use?
So my deodorant was finished abt 4 days ago, and I decide to take a new one from my daughter's stash. Why the hell would they put a soapy, bodywash/ body paint in a container that looks like deodorant, eh? So for the last 4 days, my underarm as been soapy, bright blue & not springtime fresh. I really need 2 start reading labels... "groan"
To Share, or not to share...
Nah Boi! hmmmmm, Sigh! ... So a regular client comes into the office today and sits at my desk and is waiting for me to complete a design for him.
Next thing I see de man eating a Nature Valley Oats N Honey bar and only goin "mmmmmm". So I say, "aye u like those too? They're really delicious, I eat them all the time. As a matter of fact I bought one just this morning..."
Later when he leaves I do a quick look-over my desk area... and see a open pack of Nature Valley Oats, crubs on de table and half a bar peeking out of an OPEN PACK. Yuh know is my blasted Oat Bar de man was enjoying? WDMC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next thing I see de man eating a Nature Valley Oats N Honey bar and only goin "mmmmmm". So I say, "aye u like those too? They're really delicious, I eat them all the time. As a matter of fact I bought one just this morning..."
Later when he leaves I do a quick look-over my desk area... and see a open pack of Nature Valley Oats, crubs on de table and half a bar peeking out of an OPEN PACK. Yuh know is my blasted Oat Bar de man was enjoying? WDMC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, 6 April 2012
A Thorough Lesson in Bad Office Etiquette
A client's driver who frequents our office for pick-ups sometimes comes to my desk to discuss any new "chatter" floating around the screen printing/garment industry.
So Bryan (not his real name) who walks in with his treasured lunch nestled carefully between arm and body announces his arrival wid a "Wha-happen Man?", then smiles in approval as I acknowledge him and continue working a pace. Now Bryan, who's daily attire usually consists of whatever previously worn tshirt and three-quarter pants was flung over his bedhead and passed the sniff test that morning, plunks himself down into one the chairs opposite my desk and opens a steaming hot container of food.
Out pours encouraging smells of a well made West Indian meal, that hauntingly tease my nostrils and stirs up a ghastly hunger pang.
Me: Bryan why yuh wicked so man.
Bryan: Me, wha i do?
Me: I ain't eat as yet eh, yuh killin me here wid dat food.
Bryan: (Sucks on a grease sauced chicken bone) Yuh hadda eat wherever it ketch yuh.
Me: By my desk? We have a kitchen yuh know.
Bryan: Oooogoosh Sorry boss. (Stays put and continues eating)
Me: (Sigh)
We have a lengthy convo abt a Gov Minister who has printed some 70K in t'shirts and "ducking" payment.
I comply with a C.O.P none payment story of my own going back to right after the last elections.
Bryan finishes his meal, packs it away, then stretches out within the chair, pulls out a Digicel ph card, vigorously scratches away the aluminium and tops up his ph.
Now I'm still focused on my task at hand, but out of the corner of my eye I see Bryan sheepishly raise the ph card to his mouth. He then slowly begins to scrape away at any remaining bits of food stuck to his teeth, leaving a biofilm of plaque being displayed prominently on the outer lining ph card.
This action brings forth a silent internal gag, followed by short sharp breaths to combat the rising, gurgling vomit in attempt to force it back down from whence it came.
Me: Bryan give me a minute I need to make an important call.
Bryan: Boss yuh done wid me?
Me: (looks at incomplete graphic on the computer screen)... If u have any other stops maybe u can do those and I'll send it out for you when u come back.
Bryan: yeh ...do dat nah!
Bryan tucks the plaque stained ph card away in his three-quarter jeans pants pocket for later use, gives me the "black man nod" then leaves.
I Stare at his exit and "smh". I turn back to my computer and glance downwards, only to see his food container still on my desk.
Me: *#^%(#*#^$......
Sigh!
So Bryan (not his real name) who walks in with his treasured lunch nestled carefully between arm and body announces his arrival wid a "Wha-happen Man?", then smiles in approval as I acknowledge him and continue working a pace. Now Bryan, who's daily attire usually consists of whatever previously worn tshirt and three-quarter pants was flung over his bedhead and passed the sniff test that morning, plunks himself down into one the chairs opposite my desk and opens a steaming hot container of food.
Out pours encouraging smells of a well made West Indian meal, that hauntingly tease my nostrils and stirs up a ghastly hunger pang.
Me: Bryan why yuh wicked so man.
Bryan: Me, wha i do?
Me: I ain't eat as yet eh, yuh killin me here wid dat food.
Bryan: (Sucks on a grease sauced chicken bone) Yuh hadda eat wherever it ketch yuh.
Me: By my desk? We have a kitchen yuh know.
Bryan: Oooogoosh Sorry boss. (Stays put and continues eating)
Me: (Sigh)
We have a lengthy convo abt a Gov Minister who has printed some 70K in t'shirts and "ducking" payment.
I comply with a C.O.P none payment story of my own going back to right after the last elections.
Bryan finishes his meal, packs it away, then stretches out within the chair, pulls out a Digicel ph card, vigorously scratches away the aluminium and tops up his ph.
Now I'm still focused on my task at hand, but out of the corner of my eye I see Bryan sheepishly raise the ph card to his mouth. He then slowly begins to scrape away at any remaining bits of food stuck to his teeth, leaving a biofilm of plaque being displayed prominently on the outer lining ph card.
This action brings forth a silent internal gag, followed by short sharp breaths to combat the rising, gurgling vomit in attempt to force it back down from whence it came.
Me: Bryan give me a minute I need to make an important call.
Bryan: Boss yuh done wid me?
Me: (looks at incomplete graphic on the computer screen)... If u have any other stops maybe u can do those and I'll send it out for you when u come back.
Bryan: yeh ...do dat nah!
Bryan tucks the plaque stained ph card away in his three-quarter jeans pants pocket for later use, gives me the "black man nod" then leaves.
I Stare at his exit and "smh". I turn back to my computer and glance downwards, only to see his food container still on my desk.
Me: *#^%(#*#^$......
Sigh!
Thursday, 5 April 2012
Comical or Chemical?
So you'd think that since it was discovered that the world is round that the average level of intelligence was upped a notch world wide and that every other significant event since would have followed that pattern right? Maybe not!
...Now I know that we Trinis tend to sometimes over think things. Give us a simple question and we try to decipher the secrets of the universe... No its just a simple question.
So when my father takes it upon himself to become a world renowned petrochemist at the gas station without any former training this happens...
(05/04/22) 10:35PM TRINIDAD
I really hate ...hate ...hate using public transportation, so last night while I was again performing the role of the customary piece of office furniture I decided 2 call my father for a ride home (the car has been down for mths on end ..another story altogether).
Dad pulls up wid a partner in the passenger seat, I jump in the back and we're off.
ME: Oh gosh boy ah cya wait to get home nah, my ass rel tired.
DAD: Don't worry we makin dat rel quick.
Me: "big smile emanates for the back seat"
We Drive for 3 minutes and then turn into a long line of cars at a gas station in Tacarigua"
ME: (I cringe at the sight of all the cars, then sigh.... "thinks about saying something but I change my mind after noticing the gas gauge sleepily lying way beneath the last bar.... I smh & sigh again)
After an excruciating 15 minute wait we finally reach the pump, temples throbbing pressure rising, aneurysm ready to burst he hands me TT$100.00
DAD: Put een 50 nah.
ME: Groans, gets out, then heads to the cashier, pays then heads back to the pump.
Both my dad and his friend still sitting comfortably in the car....
ME: (I sigh & grumble something about no help.) So what yuh putting in?
DAD: Uhhhhhhh... Super Today!
ME: EH?????
DAD: SUPER
ME: Wait! How yuh mean super... TODAY?
DAD:Yeh ah feeling like putting super today.
ME: and errrrrr what yuh put last time?
DAD: Unleaded.
ME: I have this unbelievable look on my face, then I buss out laughin.
ME: MAN...YUH DOH MIX GAS....WHO DOES DO DAT?
DAD: makes an attempt to explain and if yuh didn't know you would think that his point held water solidly or in this case GAS.
ME: No bredda, NO its 2 completely different consistencies one will burn faster than the other and it will mess up your engine. You'll have to clean the tank and use a treatment if it gets messed up badly.
DAD: Still explaining.... utterin' shit that soundin' like chemical formulas and theories.
My dads friend starts to chuckle and says "no Archie yeh doh mix gas".
ME: (thinks back to how often he has engine trouble and sighs) This is unbelievable "under my breath"
I spot my neighbour @ the gas station, give him the heads up, grab my laptop bag and start to leave.
ME: (turns back to the car) Hear nah jus pick one and stick with it, yuh car will be much happier.
DAD: Sits in silence and ponders (his friend still snickering)
Sigh!
...Now I know that we Trinis tend to sometimes over think things. Give us a simple question and we try to decipher the secrets of the universe... No its just a simple question.
So when my father takes it upon himself to become a world renowned petrochemist at the gas station without any former training this happens...
(05/04/22) 10:35PM TRINIDAD
I really hate ...hate ...hate using public transportation, so last night while I was again performing the role of the customary piece of office furniture I decided 2 call my father for a ride home (the car has been down for mths on end ..another story altogether).
Dad pulls up wid a partner in the passenger seat, I jump in the back and we're off.
ME: Oh gosh boy ah cya wait to get home nah, my ass rel tired.
DAD: Don't worry we makin dat rel quick.
Me: "big smile emanates for the back seat"
We Drive for 3 minutes and then turn into a long line of cars at a gas station in Tacarigua"
ME: (I cringe at the sight of all the cars, then sigh.... "thinks about saying something but I change my mind after noticing the gas gauge sleepily lying way beneath the last bar.... I smh & sigh again)
After an excruciating 15 minute wait we finally reach the pump, temples throbbing pressure rising, aneurysm ready to burst he hands me TT$100.00
DAD: Put een 50 nah.
ME: Groans, gets out, then heads to the cashier, pays then heads back to the pump.
Both my dad and his friend still sitting comfortably in the car....
ME: (I sigh & grumble something about no help.) So what yuh putting in?
DAD: Uhhhhhhh... Super Today!
ME: EH?????
DAD: SUPER
ME: Wait! How yuh mean super... TODAY?
DAD:Yeh ah feeling like putting super today.
ME: and errrrrr what yuh put last time?
DAD: Unleaded.
ME: I have this unbelievable look on my face, then I buss out laughin.
ME: MAN...YUH DOH MIX GAS....WHO DOES DO DAT?
DAD: makes an attempt to explain and if yuh didn't know you would think that his point held water solidly or in this case GAS.
ME: No bredda, NO its 2 completely different consistencies one will burn faster than the other and it will mess up your engine. You'll have to clean the tank and use a treatment if it gets messed up badly.
DAD: Still explaining.... utterin' shit that soundin' like chemical formulas and theories.
My dads friend starts to chuckle and says "no Archie yeh doh mix gas".
ME: (thinks back to how often he has engine trouble and sighs) This is unbelievable "under my breath"
I spot my neighbour @ the gas station, give him the heads up, grab my laptop bag and start to leave.
ME: (turns back to the car) Hear nah jus pick one and stick with it, yuh car will be much happier.
DAD: Sits in silence and ponders (his friend still snickering)
Sigh!
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